February 2012
20 posts
1 tag
Feb 17th
11 notes
1 tag
what race are you?
black people: black
white people: 2% Greek, 9.1% German, .0000032% Russian, 92% Irish, 49% French, 100% blue eyed devil
white people: my great great grandmother was a Cherokee princess
white people: my great great grandmother was a susquehanna princess and now there's a tattoo on my foot.
Feb 16th
43,000 notes
5 tags
Feb 15th
2 notes
6 tags
Feb 15th
88 notes
3 tags
We are going way upscale this year.
Me: Hello. Are you still accepting reservations for tomorrow night?
Employee: What?
Me: For Valentine's Day?
Employee: Oh. Uh, I guess you could make a reservation. One sec.
Me: So you're not full?
Employee: Uh. Nope.
www: tonyswestroxbury.com
Feb 13th
5 tags
A comprehensive guide to all things Frankenmuth,... →
It doesn’t get any ‘Muthier than this.
Feb 13th
2 tags
Feb 13th
3 notes
4 tags
Feb 12th
2 notes
5 tags
Feb 11th
67 notes
3 tags
Feb 9th
6 notes
Feb 9th
10,599 notes
7 tags
Feb 8th
1,009 notes
3 tags
Feb 7th
32 notes
6 tags
Feb 5th
1 note
3 tags
Feb 5th
19,718 notes
5 tags
Feb 4th
24 notes
5 tags
Feb 3rd
5 notes
6 tags
Feb 2nd
10 notes
7 tags
Live reporting from the European cold snap!  →
Howdoesshe do it?
Feb 2nd
1 tag
WatchWatch
We’re only four episodes in, and already the WHENALLBRAINSBECOMEONE pheromones are turning every gal into a more demented zombie version of the one before her. tinsely: Shit Girls Say on The Bachelor
Feb 2nd
35 notes
January 2012
41 posts
5 tags
Jan 31st
33 notes
7 tags
Clean the Whole World, One Coupon at a Time →
She’s a monstah!
Jan 30th
3 tags
Jan 30th
91 notes
7 tags
Jan 29th
4 notes
4 tags
This Week in the Beauty Parlor
One of my youngest patients recommended that I trim my nosehairs to minimize the dry boogers she saw up in my nose during our appointment. An octogenarian patient gushed that she has a Botox consult soon, because “who else should I by spending my money on?” Better living through dental chair beauty tips…
Jan 28th
6 tags
Jan 27th
5 tags
Jan 27th
1,985 notes
1 tag
I couldn't think of a way to insult my tooth so I... →
Jan 26th
8 notes
Jan 25th
6 notes
6 tags
Jan 25th
26 notes
3 tags
“In the face of widespread hardship our people have demonstrated daily a...”
– President Herbert Hoover, State of the Union Address December 6, 1932 (via ourpresidents)
Jan 25th
16 notes
Twitter Can't Handle the SuperBowl Playoffs.
Or is it, America Overtweets the SuperBowl Playoffs?
Jan 23rd
6 tags
Jan 23rd
1 tag
“Ma’am, we’re going to need to pat down your hair.”
– Boston Logan TSA Employee of the Month
Jan 21st
1 note
4 tags
Jan 20th
5 notes
4 tags
“And with that I’m gonna say “F**k you all!”. And now I’m...”
– Click. Just your typical Wednesday night closing statements. STAY CLASSY, MOM.
Jan 19th
6 tags
Jan 18th
205 notes
8 tags
Jan 16th
4 tags
Jan 14th
6 tags
Jan 14th
1,266 notes
3 tags
Entrance to National Parks free this weekend →
Word! usagov: In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend, all national parks are free, January 14-16. Find one near you.
Jan 13th
108 notes
4 tags
Jan 13th
5 tags
I went back on my word, but it was delicious.
I may or may not have been a bit of a Chick-Fil-A hater last fall, but today presented the first opportunity in my whole life to actually dine there.  So I did. Texting with one of my favorite Southerners went a little something like this: Me: FIRST EVER CHICK FIL A EXPERIENCE HAPPENING NOW. Her: Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. I went with a healthier option than my first...
Jan 12th
18 notes
6 tags
Jan 11th
3 notes
4 tags
Jan 11th
57 notes
7 tags
You know you had a stupid busy week when these were the most relieving emails you got last Friday: Kids, don’t ever buy a condo, mmmkay? And if you do, you should also buy a secretary. Preferably full-time. Now one New Year’s resolution is almost done, and I can’t remember if I made any others beyond refinancing our handsome little money pit in Chicago. Suggestions on...
Jan 9th
1 note
CHEAP TAMPONS →
Genius.
Jan 9th
7 tags
Jan 8th
15 notes
Jan 8th
1 tag
“you know, writing the national english olympiad isn’t as easy as it sounds”
– A Ukrainian gangster with whom I simply cannot compete.
Jan 7th