February 2010
14 posts
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PROOF! Dear Journal, 3-15-93,
This might be the most calm depiction of my parents’ relationship in the history of my prolific journal. I typically omit the more stressful entries, and was so thrilled to see this gem of a story. Maybe we were a normal family (sometimes) after all! My father remains a big fan of pizza at home, and my mom continues to have birthdays. Adorable.
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Diabetes --> Dialysis --> DEPRESSING!
Today we spent our clinical afternoon with a man who has been undergoing dialysis treatments for three years, which is generally required once kidneys start shutting down from any disease at all. For example:
I had zero clue what the hell dialysis was until a few recent lectures, and it ain’t pretty. Even though his experience with this hardcore intervention has been fairly successful,...
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Boorrrrriiiinnngggg
I would rather study the anatomy of teeth than finish watching the Tiger Woods’ apology video. Literally. So, why did I view more than half of it just now, you ask?
His awkward staringdirectlyatthecamera moments were rather entrancing; it was like he wanted MEEEE to know how stupid repentant he is, without a shadow of a doubt. All he really made me consider is that he should get his parotid...
How to sexually repress suburban youth. Not like...
And by that I mean, how to send the timelessly ILLOGICAL message that dancing is wonderful, so long as you avoid rhythmically moving your body in a way that could be considered sexual.
My alma mater high school just cancelled a formal dance b/c of gyrating moves that my former students were doing YEARS ago, though we would have never dreamed of canceling a dance because of such icky-ness. Were we...
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Dear Journal, 2-7-93
“Yesterday I saw Sesame Street Live. I got a water gloe light. It changes into different colors. I like blue best. On Saturday I visited my Uncle Tom in the nursing home.”
Was I too old to see Sesame Street Live, at the ripe age of 8? Absolutely. That’s what you get for being the oldest child in a family of five: delayed exit from media designed to teach toddlers to read. I...
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Never again!
Some randomly scanned TV show just used the term “lusty little lagoon” to describe an everyday outdoor whirlpool.
Image of dirty hot tubs??!! BAARRRRRFFF!!! I don’t mean to be a complete party pooper, but I think that every hot tub in the universe should have been marketed as the POOPPARTY3000, which would be an even clearer name to describe a GERMONIC social hot water medium...
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A procrastinating conversation, edited for...
Me: What do you know about the kidney? Make me feel smart.
Katie: anyway, don't kidneys clean blood?
Me: That's the spleen, silly!
Katie: DAMNIT. knew it.
Me: Kidneys REGULATE blood.
Katie: blabhablhbalbh, fine
Katie: Hey hey, what's the capital of North Korea? Hmmm?
Me: Pyongyang?
Katie: DUH
Katie: okay okay, can't trick you so easily
Me: Gimme another!
Katie: Okay, who is the Secretary General of the UN?
Me: Ban Chi Moon? Sun Kim Moon? Moon Ki Sunrise? AM I CLOSE?
Katie: Ki-Moon, well I thought you were dumber than that. good work
NOTE TO READER - I was being mean. The kidney totally does filter blood. Spleens are helpful, but not completely necessary. Heehee.
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Around the world in 110 days...
Today marked the delivery of TWO large envelope packages, which is always exciting. Even if you’ve completely initiated whatever order that sends the package your way, I think we can agree that receiving them is universally exciting and heartily patronize the post office whenever possible.
The first package, however, has been in transit for OVER THREE MONTHS. Literally. How in the world...
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Crazy Tax-a-chusetts!
I am very excited to be nearly done with our 2009 taxes. I have enjoyed preparing taxes ever since my first filing in 1999, because it always means a big REFUND and exciting cash flow surge to start the new year off ballin’.
Last year was a kick in the teeth since we actually had to pay Uncle Sam, but the same mistakes were NOT made this year and again we can now look forward to a...
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"Dear Journal, (date unknown, c. 1993)
Yesterday my fell outside and hit and hurt her rearend. She couldn’t be a lunch Lady because of it. She said that she would go to the doctor if the wouldn’t go away in a few days. “
1. I’m moderately concerned about my diction here, given the obvious absence of “mom” in line one and “pain” in line 2. Was I so upset about this that I couldn’t...
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An agonizing omen
I spilled a little chicken stirfy on me pantleg this evening, and the ensuing stain was quite a surprise. I hope this is NOT a message from Beyond.