February 2011
55 posts
7 tags
It's the little things. The very little things.
I am very pleased that Googling for the following phrases will lead you to my blog.
Just in case you’re looking for a more complicated, inefficient way to get here.
“5 hour energy parent company” (top link for over a year: SUCCESS!)
“How to dress up like a seahorse” (just became the top!)
“Back Alley Dice” (page 3…darnit)
These things change...
January 2011
77 posts
5 tags
Reverse Psychology & Communism
“Did I ever tell you how the Communist Party tried to brainwash me once?”
Why, no! You haven’t, MOM.
Indeed, my mother was once almost brainwashed by enthusiasts of Communism. They were in a car together on the way home from a Steel Workers Union meeting in Chicago.
Apparently one woman began asking her strange political questions, which progressed into CHANTING in her face....
4 tags
4 tags
I'm a little jealous that this did not exist in...
http://www.indiewed.com
And even more jealous of this business model and how hugely successful it’s guaranteed to be.
6 tags
WatchHi Jon! Bandit misses you!
As you can tell, our cat is an oral health enthusiast like the rest of us. That’s why we’re such a happy family.
At the very end, you’ll see that she’s actually part kangaroo, and part puma. A very rare combination.
5 tags
The end justifies the means.
Nephew: We're going to go play outside now.
Me: Cool. Don't play in the middle of the street!
Nephew: Duh. There's no snow in the middle of the street.
7 tags
While shoveling around her car...
Neighbor: I've been on oxygen since being diagnosed with Sarcoidosis.
Me: Oh my! Just like Bernie Mac.
Neighbor: Yes! How did you know that?
Me: Dental school?
Neighbor: Riiiight. Well, I remember finding out that it's most commonly found in blacks from the South. I couldn't believe a disease could be so racist.
Me: Well, don't worry. There are white people diseases, too. You'll never have to worry about Cystic Fibrosis.
Neighbor: That's hilarious!
5 tags
This is why hospitals smell bad.
Sister: I fart at work and hope people will blame it on someones ostomy.
Me: Unfair.
It seems like a good idea at this time.
http://www.greenerie.com/ask
5 tags
How do they do that?!
I turn on the TV exactly 90 seconds before The Office begins, expecting to be muting a car commercial or something.
Instead, I see the final contestant on American Idol and those 90 seconds LITERALLY made me cry a little bit. Damnit.
And that girl’s dreams just might come true. I am weak.
BTW: Ricky Gervais’ cameo on The Office intro was GENIUS. I still think his Golden Globes...
5 tags
5 tags
OMG! Jon blogged twice in three days! Click here... →
That’s literally as much as he blogged from July to December 2010. WATCH OUT!
6 tags
3 tags
6 tags
We've gone Postal.
Behold the most schizo-stamped card in the world. Yes, that’s a coffee stain in the middle of the Cyrillic addressed letter to my favorite Peace Corps Volunteer. She’s long since moved and now has a Regular Alphabet address, thank goodness.
The stamps are like a crazy quilt of no longer current postage that I had on hand. Why would one keep 37 cent or 41 cent stamps, you ask? I...
6 tags
“I’ve only been at this about 60 years!”
– One of my new professors, explaining his career in health care management. Amazing.
8 tags
Is Boston being punished for my Alaskan actions?
This winter has gone rogue.
“The National Weather Service has issued a Wind Chill Advisory beginning at midnight through 9 a.m. Monday morning, with wind chill values between 15 and 25 degrees below zero. This is expected be the coldest weather Boston has seen in over 5 years.”
Here’s my explanatory model for this intense painful coldness:
1) I am thoroughly enjoying the...
6 tags
Up In The Air
7-23-2010, around 7pm: I was on a flight from Chicago when this young lady was born.
1-23-2011, around 7pm: I was on another flight from Chicago as this young lady was being whisked around her various photo shoots, involving dangerous fast cars. This time I wasn’t flying to Michigan, so I couldn’t wish her a happy half-birthday in person.
Maybe this blog will still exist by the...
6 tags
Drama Teams
I enjoy professional athlete gossip as much as the next not-so-dedicated-sports-fan, and these are busy times for chronicling their strange and inappropriate behavior.
Jon is my source for all things pro-sports-naughty, and now I know that Deadspin.com is the testosteroned equivalent to People.com.
Regardless of your SportsFan status, you should find this video hilarious as long as you’ve...
5 tags
Weekend Celebrity Sightings
Getting out of the hotel elevator last night, I literally brushed elbows with this athletic car salesman.
My colleagues saw Goldie Hawn and Joe Buck, and I was told Joe Buck is just about my height. Cuz I’m huge.
I also saw a bunch of Dallas Mavericks and Cleveland Cavaliers players running around the hotel throughout our stay. They’re fairly easy to spot, as you might imagine. Cuz...
6 tags
I'm so full, it hurts.
But this place was so cute, it’s worth it.
And this friend is so lovely, I’d do it again.
6 tags
7 tags
4 tags
“I find for myself that my first thought is never my best thought. My first...”
– http://www.theamericanscholar.org/solitude-and-leadership/
6 tags
Reporting live from downtown Chicago: China has...
As this article describes, the streets of downtown Chicago are alive and kicking RIGHT NOW with demonstrations related to the visit of China’s President. I didn’t know what was going on earlier today when the police were setting up barricades around this hotel district, but I knew that it was far too early for a New Year’s celebration. Yet Asian decorations and loud crowds were...
8 tags
Wal-Mart Shifts Strategy to Promote Healthy Foods →
Crap. I think this will make it more likely I shop at Walmart. And in full disclosure, I loved me some Walmart when I was teaching and needed some folders for my chemistry students. That folder system (“Chemfolios”), which I paid for out-of-pocket, went on to be adopted by the other chemistry classes and then the entire science department. And paid for. No regrets there. Go Walmart?
...
5 tags
6 tags
No way your day was as cool as mine.
1. Ate lunch with a 96-year-old woman. She’s like my sugar-great-grandmother. Love ya, Phyllis!
2. Headed off now to see the Celtics play the Pistons. Thanks for the hook-up, Andy and Jenny!
3. Will head to bed tonight with the alarm set for 4:45am to catch an early flight to CHICAGO!
BOO YAH.
5 tags
Monster? Created.
Him: Arianna Huffington has some fake-a$$ teeth!
Me: What? Let me see!
Him: They're too perfect. Like weird dentures.
6 tags
You've never seen a sadder dental chair.
And it may come as no surprise that this chair was RECENTLY photographed in decaying Detroit. :(
5 tags
Who wouldn't want to live here?
More antique tourism publicity can be found here. Fun fun.
6 tags
“In terms of its content, Teach for America is completely different from Goldman...”
– http://chronicle.com/article/What-Are-You-Going-to-Do-With/124651/
BURRRRRNN! OUCH! Zing! This is the second article I’ve read in two days that basically surmise I’m a soulless pompous a-hole with racist tendencies. The first one argued that focusing on oral health in minority...
5 tags
This is where they thought the dream would end.
The picture may appear aged, but my friend Ray took it in November 2010 when we visited the site of the former Lorraine Motel. Dr. King was assassinated on this balcony, with the shooter in a building across the street. Both structures now house the National Civil Rights Museum, where we spent several hours immersed in intense history.
And, these are the nearby places we visited where Dr....
6 tags
Dear Ovaries: I'm very sorry.
1. We are going to visit Ukraine for a week in May to support our favorite lil’ Peacemonger. Ahh, the excitement! This will involve a trip to Chernobyl, which is soon to be quite the hot spot for reckless tourists like us.
Apparently this park was supposed to open a week after the plant melted down. Who wouldn’t want to see this in person?
CREEPERS.
2. Sadly, this won’t be...
4 tags
Can Johnson & Johnson Get Its Act Together? →
1. I was JUST at CVS today wondering where the hell the OB Tampons were. There were no sales signs, yet the shelves were completely empty. ANNOYING.
2. My Dad’s name is Dennis Collins, and he claims that the original Irish spelling should be D-e-n-i-s, like Denis Leary. This guy’s blog MIGHT be my dad’s secret blog, which he denies. As a secret blogger would.
deniscollins:
If...
7 tags
This one is for my breastfeeding sister.
Hi, Kristen! Hope you’re having a nice weekend at work. :)
4 tags
3 tags
I've been spending a lot of alone time with George...
Sometimes we all just need to be read aloud to by controversial celebrities who tell their side of the story.
Do you have 6 hours and 59 minutes to spare? You just might if you’re reading this - since you explore the awkward nooks and crannies of The Internet called ‘blogs’. Me too. You’re not alone.
Enter President #43!
I’m trying to diversify my celebrity...
5 tags
4 tags
Baltimore! Guatemala! Mississippi Delta! Ukraine!
5 points if you can guess what these locations have in common. It’s quite exciting.
And, for those who were interested in the answer to the previous 5 point question, this charming image is the jaw of a CHILD and the pistachios are actually grown-up teefs ready to sprout.
Believe it or not, your permanent teeth begin forming even before you are born! You best take good care of them, or...
6 tags
Ministry of the Shovel
Do you see that handsome man in the distance working hard to combat the snow?
Would you believe me if I said he was out there for about an hour, generously wielding our shovel to clear out our battered parking spot?
He couldn’t be stopped there, and even spent time digging out the station wagon of an elderly woman in our building.
WHAT AN ANGEL, amirite?!
Jon makes it SUPER easy to...
7 tags
This is me 30 lbs. ago
This little nephew is now a 1st grader with an angry faux hawk and the cutest smile in the world. And a mysterious tooth-grinding problem.
I don’t mind having a circular face when paired with this young princess. She’s now a sassy lassy 3rd grader recently seen with a purple skull on the lapel of her black hoodie. And deftly handling an MP3 player.
My niecernephs are so wonderful...
4 tags
Have ye no respect for the dead?
Mom: Your dentist died. No appt next week. I’ll find u new one. I learned how to make bread!!
(www.whenparentstext.com)
6 tags
If you also have a snow day... or an hour to kill... →
This is GOLD. Super funny and adorable. It’s also amazing that there is only one 15 second advertisement at the beginning, and then you can skip around between performers with no additional stupid ads! Almost as good as streaming Netflix.
I hope this storm somehow paralyzes this city for another 24 hours so I can enjoy this faux-Christmas-morning laxity all over again.
3 tags
6 tags
WatchThe vertical on this beast is quite impressive. You never know - this could be the next big Tumblr CAT VIDEO! You saw it here first, folks.
And, no it’s not mean to set your cat up for slamming repeatedly into a door or wall. She loves it.
7 tags
Weather or not. Here it comes.
In Boston, even the SnowStorms are over achievers. Such that tomorrow’s classes get canceled 8 hours before the first flakes are even scheduled to arrive. Impressive!
Now be a good SnowStorm and scare all the customers away from Boston Beer Works so Jon and I can have a relaxing date tonight, before we’re snowed in for eternity.
And make me a hot chocolate.
6 tags
Will Tumblr kick me out if I post about 'The...
This is important enough to take the risk. Read here to discover why I might actually be following along this season. Crazy business!
Dental students are taking over the world. WATCH OUT!
4 tags
Love me some chem class humor.
As well as meth lab humor, when done in good taste.
johnbarthmylove:
Currently sitting in Chem and there is this woman talking endlessly about safety precautions, and Juliana looks at me and goes “Yo, my meth lab is run like a tight ship, I’ve got this.”
It’s going to be a good semester.
I mean, technically, meth labs are being elevated to high culture symbolism as in the critically...