January 9, 2012

You know you had a stupid busy week when these were the most relieving emails you got last Friday:

Kids, don’t ever buy a condo, mmmkay? And if you do, you should also buy a secretary. Preferably full-time.

Now one New Year’s resolution is almost done, and I can’t remember if I made any others beyond refinancing our handsome little money pit in Chicago.

Suggestions on less ambitious resolutions that require a great deal less paperwork?

I suppose this is my other ongoing project right now, and will hopefully turn into a much larger resolution than just for the new year…

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Filed under: condominiums real estate refinance mortgage loans debt money 
October 5, 2009
God’s Economy

Tomorrow night I will begin a weekly biblical financial seminar, based on the ministries of Crown Financial. Our church is putting it on through a series of small groups in the area, and I am quite excited! It will help connect our pursuit of Christ-like living with an incredibly important resource that we are trying hard to manage responsibly: our MONEY! Jesus says QUITE a bit about this in the Good Book, and I sure could use a guided-tour through this established wisdom.

There’s an introductory book and larger workbook in the “kit”, which we will go through as a group over the next 8 weeks. I anticipate people will be in very different stages of life, and phases of financial accountability, and I am eager to learn from them all. There’s obviously a “conflict of interest” on the part of the church, in that I’m sure they’ll really emphasize giving a bit of your assets to the church itself - but when your church is GREAT, then I don’t mind the campaigning at all! :) I really think the Vineyard does a superb job reaching out for the arts, children, global social causes, local issues, etc. I trust that they use our resources as wisely, if not more, than we do. What more can you ask for in such an “investment”?

Feel free to impart any spiritually-grounded financial advice, as I begin this reflective, prayerful process. Your two cents are appreciated… HAHAHA. Good one.

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Filed under: money budgets bible 
September 21, 2009
Not your standard Tax Evasion

A couple months ago, I got busted for not paying taxes on a 2007 Americorps stipend, which was used to directly paid down some old-fashioned tuition debt. It was never cash in my hands, yet I was still responsible at the time for paying taxes on all 4,725 dollars of it. The trouble is that I am very Ned-Flanders-ish about my taxes, and finalized that ‘07 return well before receiving that 1099-MISC. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW TO EXPECT IT! GAWWWWSH!

Obviously I decided against amending the return, and just basked in a conniving fraudulent afterglow for the following two-point-five years until BAM! The IRS demanded SEVEN-HUNDRED-NINETY-TWO dollars of my zero-income assets to pay them off. Does the IRS realize that’s nearly the entire value of the CRUISE that Jon and I will be taking in December - for which we have been frugally preparing for a LONG time? We’re talking a once-in-a-lifetime-vacation-value BILL, and all because I responsibly settled my 2007 tax return SUPER early?! One cannot just drop that kind of cash without some serious FML-strength-frustration.

Now, I think the IRS is just messing with me, because I received a REFUND of that payment to the tune of $1.47. Seriously: a nice crisp green-yellow check made out to me worth fewer quarters than a load of laundry. REALLY?! IS IT WORTH IT??! C’mon now. Experiencing that level of sympathetic nerve activation is worth at least $2.35.

They might as well have sent a hand-written postcard saying ’Next time you get the mail, bring a personal bodyguard, Colleen, because you never know what we’ll send you next! MWAH AH AH AH. We might ask for a money order for 0.03 EUROS or a crumpled two dollar bill next time… you just never know…’

Leave me alone, TaxMan. I’ll deal with you again next February. Boo!

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Filed under: taxes money 
September 12, 2009
So you think you can debts

This week, school may have focused on physical pain, but the rest of the storyline was anchored by the fiscal sorts of pain that (one-day)graduate(ing) students across the country are reeling from this time of year. F%(#!ng tuition. Please excuse my shiftbar-veiled exasperation, but this $h!t’s truly bananas.  Each day of the week brought a unique debt-centered event, and not all bad. It keeps me coming back for more, somehow. 

Mortgage Monday: prepared to deposit our first monthly rent check from the lovely tenants who are holding it down in Chicago (etymology humor much?). Cue thoughts of our well-painted 1200-square-foot piggy bank somehow imploding or floating away on Lake Michigan and leaving us chased by Citimortgage-bounty-hunters, coming to repossess my entire higher education as collateral…

Tuition Tuesday: Met with financial aid officer to learn that this year’s SEVENTY-SIX THOUSAND DOLLAR cumulative budget for tuition, fees, living, has come due. Cue yellow-oxygen-mask limply descending from her office ceiling as this world crashes down. The joys of Jon-mooching combined-married-finances make this slightly less painful for me, but a hearty pinch for the mister. He’s a trooper.

Whiny Wednesday: At this time last year, I must have missed the fact that a global recession was shrinking assets around the world, because somehow I convinced myself that starting a ROTH IRA would be a good idea. Bold, Colleen. Truly mavericky. YOU FOOL. The barren monthly statement arrived today and reminded me that my tiny sum put forth last August is now 12% SMALLER than the day it was deposited. Am I glad to have this admittedly long-term-useful account? Yes. Would I have been better off to sew that money into our mattress and reclaim it sometime in 2010? MOS’ DEF. Balls!

Thankful Thursday: Jon and I’s American De(x)press account disbursed its annual cash-back-reward, which could easily cover a MONTH of rent in Chicago. Is this something to celebrate or be disturbed by? It’s a welcome break from the monthly bill, BUT it means that an embarrassingly heavy load of purchases have occurred over the past year, of which 1.3209-ish % has been generously refunded. Awesome?

Freedom Friday: WANNA GET AWAY?! Well, yes I do, Southwest Airlines. Great suggestion! Thank you for pleasantly surprising me with a fresh Rapid Rewards airline credit, which will allow me to fake my own death at the end of the school year, then expunge this calamitous debt, and escape the scene to start over as a roving medentalist somewhere in South America. Risking repetitive redundancy, I will remind you that this flight is entirely due to (surrrrprise) credit card purchases.

What’s an unemployed wifey to do? Stop complaining, and start studying. It’s free!

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Filed under: money 
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